Millennial-titus: symptoms may include swelling of the head, relating yourself to glitter, sparkles or unicorns, and overzealous use of hashtags. Am I old, jaded? Am I mourning the sunset of my youth, my uterus barren and tits sagging? Has my vag withered after cleaning up my husband’s giant rectal pile expulsed all over the bed, leaking to the mattress cover, but thankfully not onto the mattress? Yes, to all these things. But I digress. I love you millennials! I love that you’re so easy and yet so hard to please. I love your tight bodies and your energy (I’m going to siphon it from you somehow), your shame you, for shaming me attitude. Calling out people on social media and not in real life, and not knowing the difference between the two anymore. You truly are #special!